How the system fails (foster) children

I now understand why the "system" fails children. There are many different reasons that people say, some examples are: returning home to soon, staffing, the lack of listening, supervision or communication. I feel that there is more than just one reason, it is the combination of a few things and the BIG push for reunification with parent(s). When a child is removed from home it is done with good reason whether it is due to neglect, drugs, abuse what ever the case may be...There is a reason for the child's lack of safety. Moving a child(ren) to family or foster care is to provide safe and caring place for the child to live while the parent(s) are going through their detox, court case, etc.

When a case worker communicates with a foster parent there must be complete communication-full and undisclosed information given. The foster parent needs to be aware of what the child has either been exposed to (drugs; alcohol) or not exposed to (neglect) so we are aware of issues the child may have included with the other issues of being removed in the first place.

We had three girls (sisters) in our home from pre-christmas to Monday (2/13). I had been investigated, lied to, disrespected, ignored, yelled at and accused of various things this was all from information the children provided to their father. I can also say I was disrespected by the children's family members that I do not even know. Their father continues to blame me, so he complained to the state about their children's care. The phone calls required the investigation of Don and I-why investigate us? You put the children here for their safety-if you feel that we are not safe GET THEM OUT! Yes, we had to be investigated and were put in a situation of explaining what we feed them (meals), where and how they sleep, how often they shower, computer use, our dogs hurting children (this will occur if you hurt the dog). At that moment I realized a few things:

*foster parents are put through complete hell

*the (biological) parent(s) are more important than the children

*the children/parents are believed before the people caring for them

*if you lie and complain your children will go home

*foster parents have NO rights

*there is no amount of money that will cover the cost of repairs to your home when you have foster children

*reunification is for front even when the parent(s) are continuously demonstrating inappropriate acts and behaviors

*foster parents are under the microscope more than biological parents (who had the children removed from them)

*there is no way of disciplining foster children due to the "system"

I know that there is much more to complain about and discuss regarding how the system is failiing hte children. I have to compete a webinar and then head to an ISP meeting.

Ok Make it Monthly....

I know I vowed to write more frequently, but albeit, I am slow, I procrastinate, I have 7 people in my home that need me (one can hope). OK so I need to be better at posting. I think aobut it daily, I jsut don't seem to be able to sit down and type without someone over my shoulder. Enough excuses!!!
Today starts a new embargo! Not only are Zeth and Alicia taking the bus home, but I will begin to at least post 2-3 times a week! I know I am asking a lot of myself but who else is going to doucment all that I do around here!?

*the girls have all had Dr. Lindsay appointments. I don't know if you can classify counseling as a positive for me when it is not me, but it seems to be something they all need at least 2 sessions of. time will tell if it is something that will be continued when they go home (soon?)

*Allie is back to her nightmares and mommy meltdowns. I think some of it stems from K3 talking to mom and dad during the week. It also stems from K3 scaring the absolute crap out of her almost daily with the boogy man and people in the woods.

*Zeth is showing some very feminine tendencies. Hey he is still only 6 with the mind of a 3-4 year old. I am giving him space to explore and realize that somethings are just not for him. It is hard when he wants to play with the barbie in the bathtub, but hey I let it go and now he has given it to his sister.

*Don was done with the "jail"talk that has been going on. It stems from K1 and trickles down to the remaining K's. Not fair to me! he gave them a talking to yesterday. I have never heard/seen him so angry. He told them that there is another option and that is group home. Where they have no privacy, no personal things, no time to themselves. It will be like jail. But they want to be in jail and that is an option. They are constantly blaming us-not the people who need to be blamed (their parents). Don put that in perspective for them. He made it clear that this was a home where they are allowed to stay, we did not have to let them in and could have said No! which was an option. the K's just don't understand that there should be rules and boundaries. It is going to be difficult when they go home and are removed yet again because their father is unable to provide care when he leaves town for work.

*for my health I have added an extra day of pilates to my sched. I am also adding an extra water aerobics. I am still including weight training, cardio and various other movement. I am also cutting totally back on between meal nibbles, snacks and drinks.

case workers!!!!

Oiy Vay! Last night not only did we have one case worker, we had 2 in our house. Confusion reigned.
Stacy made promises that she then put on me to accomplish and I wasn't even there. Now I had to email her and tell her she is the one who said and now needs to follow through with setting up visits with their father at DHR not at McDonalds. People forget that I am not responsible for doing the leg work, i am only responsible for getting the child(ren) to the meeting.
the girls will also be changing schools starting next week. I do what I have to do in order to remain sane.
Amber filled us in on the changing of the guards beginning next month Leilani will be their new case worker. she will still be there, but she will be moving on to other things.
Alicia also wanted something so she gave a run down of abuse and then said she wants to see mom. Amber chalked it up to her literally wanting to be with mom and leaving. She had done this in the past and Amber said there is a definite pattern.

I think to keep my thoughts focused, I will have to blog daily. I am finding that writing in the morning gets me ready for the day. I will give this daily 0530 typing a try.

Sunday

This is what I was greeted with after school on Friday. The picture is a bit fuzzy but the idea is there. Zeth was playing football during P.E and was tackled. I did ask him if he was the ball. He became furious with me and screamed no I was playing. I said I understood. He said there was no ball they were pretending to have a ball. Of course he had to be tackled on a pile of rocks. I told him next time he plays, he needs to make sure there are no rocks or only play on a lot of grass. He did not think that was funny.

The weekend was rather uneventful The usual make Lisa feel like a shit or an idiot. Take your pick. I know Don does not realize he does it frequently, but it does hurt and makes me feel stupid around the kids.

The biggest goal I have to work on is setting and sticking to a budget. With 7 people in the house it is hard to budget the food cost and the gas cost to the various schools and activities. If everyone was at one school the budget would be a lot easier. I do have to make and stick to the budget. This is so all bills can be paid and there is food to eat in the house.

I missed another bill dead line and will pay in person tomorrow. I think I am going to do that for all the local bills: gas, electric, water, cable and trash. That way they are paid the day they come in if not the day after. The only ones that do not change are the cable and trash. That can make it a little easier especially when I over pay each of those two every month I can.

Absentee Blogger!

I can't believe it is a new year and the holidays are far over. OK yes I can believe it. I have been lax in my blogging abilities. Between Hanukkah, Christmas and new years getting three children a month ago and dealing with all the conflict with that.
I will back track. Last month we received a call regarding 3 sisters (13, 10,8) and Don said "they don't need car seats or diapers. we're good" So Kacie, Kayla and Kelsey joined us. To make it even better, Kelsey and Allie went to school together in first grade (classmates). I don't know if that was good thing or a bad thing....It turned out to be a trying thing.
We made it through the holidays-girls went home for the holiday and came back the 16th. It was difficult to get through that with the tears and the short time they spent. Allie and Zeth had issues with not seeing their mom-that was expected.
Now we are dealing with a non existent bus stop for Belgreen and issues with picking everyone up. The joys of two schools.
Last night I had to intercept a phone call from the girls' father. THAT was exciting. I have now been yelled at by a parent (yet again) and I was not in the classroom. That is history in the making. He was telling the youngest about what he was going to do at the meeting and how he was going to take everyone home. It was tough to take the phone and explain that she did not need to hear this, it was scaring her. He con't with she is my daughter and needs to know everything. I told him, yes it is your child, but she is only 8 and you are scaring her with information that she does not need to know.
Today he showed up 2 hours early for the ISP and accused me of not feeding the girls or getting necessary feminine articles for the oldest. He refused to listen to anything that the case worker was trying to explain. As well as refused to sign the form stating that he was there (His mother also refused) They wanted their lawyer there and were upset that no one called and invited him. It was not DHR responsibility to contact a lawyer. they need to do that themselves.
He refused to listen to anything that was said and did not want to be part of any plan to place his children back with him. "DHR is keeping my children from me" Now we are trying to put a plan in place so that he can see his children and talk to them on the phone nightly. He again refused to even listen to the thought of calling.
He and his mother left without accomplishing anything. After they left we (Case worker, social worker, supervisor and myself) discussed the outcome. On the ISP form, it will state that he is able to call nightly at 7:30 and have the phone number listed. That way he cannot say that he was not allowed contact with the girls. He kept pushing that the judge will send them home immediately when she sees him. My attitude is Yeah Right! The DHR team feels that he is going to get chewed up and spit out by the judge.
He is not willing to make a plan or anthing. We do have couseling for the girls, appointments have been made with Dr. Jim. He thinks I am nuts and wanted to know when I would be makeing an appointment for my self.
On the personal side of things...
parents are in Hawaii due back next week
thinking about another graduate program-money/job/classes
daily zethisms...

December Oy Vay

It is December. Where has the time gone and why haven't I posted? I can't answer those questions without reflecting on what I have accomplished in the past few weeks...

We drove to Dawn Renee's for thanksgiving. I was expecting a quiet relaxing week....never expect. I cooked a turkey, a ham, mashed taters, green beans, sweet potatoes, a pie, stuffing gravy. I hope I did not miss anything. She had to work. I am not going to comment on the state of disrepair her house was in. Never mind that she had no place for all of us to sleep. We ended up in the motor home in her yard. At least we had a clean bed and bathroom.

The kitchen is done except for the little things to put in place. We also have to paint the yellow on the walls as well as put some more primer up before painting. No big deal just time consuming.

The kids are visiting with their mother tomorrow. THey are not aware of this trip. I am holding off telling them until Amber pulls up into the driveway if I can. It has been a tough week for them. Allie has been having more trouble with boundaries. They were both caught taking candy after bedtime without asking.

They went on their first field trip today. Zeth had his first official ride in a school bus. He told me: "It did not meet my expectations". He further explained there were no seat belts and the driver had one. He said he was not safe and everyone needs a belt.

Allie just lost it after school. I don't know if it is one of her ups and downs but she had a fit in the back seat telling me she always gets in trouble in the car. i told her she was not in trouble she just needs to understand you do not hide your head in the lap of anyone else (esp a boy).

We will continue our boundaries and appropriate touching conversations and explainations for quite a while.

Don and I both had birthdays. Don of course had the big 60. No one called to say happy birthday. it was depressing for him. I felt really bad but could not guilt his family (sisters) into calling. If is like the world revolves around only them.

I want to post pictures of the kitchen remodel--the beginning to the end. Before I do that I want to put them in some kind of order so the sequence makes sense and is not weird.

I know it has been weeks since I have typed anything. I had this crap shoot of a virus (?) if that is what you want to call it. While I was dying in bed, I still had to get kids to school, cook dinner, feed dogs cats and fish. It never ends. But it was a good thing the illness hit when it was a weekend. I slept ALL day Saturday while Don dealt with the kids and animals. I have never in my life felt like such ca-ca. I did not really move until Sunday mid-day and at that point it was to make sure everyone was eating and to change pj's from sweaty to cool. The virus stuck with me for almost 2 weeks. Zeth of course could not be left out. He has a virus of sorts as well. He was throwing up almost daily. Some of it was psychosomatic but some was actual illness.

I can say: WE HAVE CABINETS! the cabinets were installed almost a week early. OF course this was during my "I'm dying" faze, but we have actual cabinets installed. The counter top is going in on Tuesday at 1100 hours. Let us cross out fingers that it goes off without a hitch. As it is, I was calling Amber at the counter top place, and she called me first to tell me the sink has a crack. We had to go back to the beginning of reordering a new sink. Of course, if they have to come out again, then Lowe's will be billed for the second visit. I don't care. i just want a sink in my kitchen. I don't know what is worse, no power or no kitchen sink. That is still up for debate.

I missed the best photo op! Allie was going to run away. She had on an outfit with her Halloween costume over it holding all of her clothes on hangers while wearing flip flops. She looked ridiculous. This was followed by last night's Emergency from the bathroom. First thing I did was grab the camera. I went into the bathroom and there was Alicia, stuck in the toilet. Her head touching her knees. I of course took a few pictures then I helped her out.

Zeth is continuing to have touching issues. Of course the things he touches are not his of course! He also has difficulty making it to the bathroom. He has has soooo many accidents in the past few weeks it is not worth counting. He even had an accident at school and smelled beyond reality. Some of this is due to his fear of being on a bad color at school. The ticket system is kicking him in the butt.